Yep, September is Special

Being kind to oneself is the start of being kind to others, any other show of kindness is just show.

Tomorrow is the first day of Autumn.

Leaves are changing colors, Day light Savings Time will end.

I have begun my Halloween preparations.

This is Dystonia Awareness Month.  And to think you almost missed that…I have been aware of TD (Tardive Dystonia) for years now.

I have many things to be grateful for because of TD: My ‘Shedding “Spaz” status’ handle (I can talk to you here annd you’re not distracted by my spastic presence); I have saved a small fortune on dinning out, afraid to attract too much attention in restaurants (admit it, the people that are a little different always get your attention); I have become intolerant of unkind judgements of others toward the “imperfect”.

Not all aspects of Dystonia are the same.  Imagine waking up in the morning, getting out of bed, stretching and looking down at your toes…and that will be your pose…for the balance of your waking day.

You can be sure that the buttons of your shirt are well done, belt perfectly positioned…but unable to lift your head to look in the mirror; apply your makeup with the mirror flat on the counter, put on the finishing touches to a lovely face that no one will be able to see.  “Remember to make eye contact during the interview, hon.  Oh, sorry.  You’ll be great.”

That would be Cervical Dystonia…for some.

I have the distinction of being a lunatic and as such have been given “mood stabilizers”, “anti-psychotics” for years (read that decades) and I ‘suffer’ with Neuroleptic Induced Tardive Dystonia; at times I can’t talk, the vocal chords are constricted and don’t move, whereas my face doesn’t stop moving, my left arm and hand look as if I’m working on some elaborate chord progressions for my next ‘air-guitar’ concert.

Upshot, read the warnings on your Rx’s, talk to your doctor.  Some are born with Dystonia, some acquire it and like many motion disorders, there are treatments.

If you have been diagnosed with Dystonia, run do not walk to a neurologist that specializes in movement disorders and find someone (professional, friend, a chat room) and talk…self-induced isolation and demeaning oneself is not the answer.

There are times when I stop the jitters; when I sleep, when I’m concentrating on a project and when I meditate.

The best definition I have found for meditation is:

Sit softly in the silence between the noise of your thoughts.  This is meditation.  This is real love.

I have been away from WP for some time, caught up in my own muck and mire of depression and self-pity.  One of the “projects” that takes me out of myself are the few Vlogs I’ve done.  I have another to tape and post this afternoon and in honor of Dystonia Awareness Month, this will be sans the motion editing.  Be warned.

peace out pilgrims.

be ever so kind to yourselveskindness

Image from unknown photographer posted Feb. 2014, titled “Kindness”.  If anyone can identify the artist or the post please let me know so that I may properly credit and please, all, follow this person, he has the eye and the heart of a true artist.

AN END TO MAGICAL THINKING

I’ve given up on winning the lottery as a major portion of my retirement program.
I no longer allow myself a weekend to complete an entire redo of lawn, complete with water feature, on our 1 acre back yard.
The next great American novel will not be mine.
The octogenarians won’t be leaving the house next week.
I’ll never pass for forty-five again.
The SWMBO and her family will never learn to appreciate my little contributions.
There just comes a time when you have to be practical, realistic (not to be confused with anything Kardasian) and accept the world and everything in it for what it is.
I’ll budget the meager pension, put in the 3 or 4 hours-a-day that I can with mower or shovel, struggle to find a few words for this blog, continue to give up more space for the octogenarian’s pleasure, will look like seventy long before I get there and smile and nod when the SWMBO is praised for her sacrifices.
Yes, I’ll just have accept things as they are, no more fanciful thoughts, bring an end to the magical thinking.

It’s a pity that neither the SWMBO, the octogenarians, their elder son (J the Pompous, now staying with his parents for a few weeks) can’t fit on the tree stump (it’s a single seat stump you see) nor have the desire, by the weed garden next to the culvert that gurgles with the rush of the night’s rain.
Round and about the one seat stump, the feral gerbils (Jerry the Swift and Curious, Henrietta the Lovely and Oscar the Huge and Laughing) we all wait for the bright light of early morning; me with my oh-so-strong black coffee and gerbils with the peanuts I almost thought I might eat.
If you listen with a special ear the sounds around that stump it resemble the sound of an orchestra preparing for a concert and this concert is like no other.
The dragon flies buzz about until they light on the rocks bordering the weed garden to dry their wings; light breezes blow that spin the umbrella of the delicate lady whirligig and then the wind section rises up…through the leaves and the branches.
This morning’s piece was a prelude to Autumn, with the tell-tale hint of a crackle in the leaves as colours changed, the shuffling on the lawn of the leaves that had already fallen. Soon the beautiful long low notes of the grasses and vines join in.
With both hands around my cup, afraid to spill a drop, miss a note or overlook a single movement of all around me. The morning’s breeze to unseen conductor entered from the east today and was soon prepared to make his exit when a choral ensemble, heavenly voices, entered.
If I had half an ear I would have said they were pitch perfect, singing in a language for some distant land. Each note, word painted pictures of beauty and compassion, love unimaginable.
Terry (the Swift and Curious) and I looked around for the origin and all I saw, thought I saw, was the reflection of the morning light in the dew. As I watched the glistening lights on grass and flowers, they blinked and winked and danced about and for an instant here a moment there from behind the lights…a smile.
All about tiny, beautiful, no, wondrous creatures that soon, too soon, rode away on dragon flies,
No more magical thinking for me; its just a shame that so few people see the world as it really is.
Peace out pilgrim

SUPERMAN…I ain’t

In my best impression of Walter Mitty, I can picture myself a grand hero, loved, no desired, by a bevy of women, envied by men of every rank and with great humility I wave it all off. Like a stoic monk I walk toward the distant mountains.
Right.
With this picture in my mind I laced up my walking shoes and promised to stop for coffee at the nearest Starbucks. A maintained a brisk pace as far as the entrance to the subdivision; a hundred yards further I nearly collapsed; bent over I gripped my knees praying that I would gain as much control over my breathing. I was, at that point, 3.5 miles from my destination (4 miles one way).
I knew I was going to have to rethink my objectives and without doubt kill the Walter Mitty in me.